I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize