He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
