i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
