I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
