On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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