a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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