im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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