Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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