but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
