Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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