you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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