worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
