If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
