She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
