her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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