i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
