I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize