I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
