I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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