I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
