so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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