I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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