she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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