wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
