Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
