He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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