If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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