im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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