i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
