I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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