There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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