My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
