i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
