Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
