I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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