By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
