Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize