Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
