He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
