I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
