If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The power of my boobs compel you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
