i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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