I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
