Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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