Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You pole danced in your parka.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
