I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
