I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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