forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
