a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
