wanna go halves on a baby?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A bitchslap is in order.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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