He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
