U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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