I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
