i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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