he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
