I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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