I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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