my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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