i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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