so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
