If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
