I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
please don't ironically join a cult
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