Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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