tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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