Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
