I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
