I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
NoShamevember. You game?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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