She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
