Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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